This last weekend I was supposed to go to San Antonio Texas with my husband to co-lead a Thriving Marriage event. I was very excited and looking forward to the time together as we always have a ton of fun when we lead together. Before kiddos arrived on the scene, Chris and I always used to travel and lead events together, but now he often travels solo while I hold down the fort at home.
Remarkably, all the plans lined up and we were going to travel together! Notice the key phrase going to. Tuesday afternoon, Andrew came home from school sick and feeling pretty miserable. From the moment I realized he was sick, I felt torn. Do I stay back and take care of my son and wear my “Mom, comforter and nurse” hat, or do I still go and wear my “speaker, wife and ministry leader” hat. Which hat takes precedence?
We lead busy lives, with an unusual amount of travel and less routine than the average family. In the midst of this, I feel God has called me to prioritize creating a stable home environment for the boys to feel secure and cared for, despite the changes in what our day-to-day looks like.
As I prayed about what to do, I felt peace with either option. I talked with my childcare provider for the weekend, and she felt that it was not wise for her to continue with the plans of caring for my kiddos given her weakened immune system. I felt completely peaceful with this option, and we notified the group that I would be staying back from the trip.
The weekend at home turned out to be a blessing for me as well as my sick one, who craved Mama’s attention and care when he was feeling under the weather. Not only did I enjoy extra time with my kids (and extra snuggles!), I also had a chance to catch up on a few things around the house and even have some quiet time for myself in the evenings.
As I reflected on the weekend, I felt like God shared with me that He arranged things not only to best care for my son, but also to give me what I most needed. I was blessed to receive the gift He had for me (as well as my son) during that time.
While reflecting on God’s care for me, I also have the awareness that it would have been easy to be dissatisfied with the weekend. If I drew my identity from being a ministry leader and having something to offer people through teaching and training, I could easily have been frustrated with being held back and forced to stay back with my children, rather than being able to “do” the thing that gives me value.
If my value and identity came from what I do, it would have been hard for me to receive the gift God had for me in staying home
Do you ever feel like your performance is more important than your presence? Do you ever feel like your identity is wrapped up in what you do? I would encourage you to spend some time interacting with the God who is with us and ask what He values about you.