Isaiah 40:11 describes God as a shepherd who gathers, carries, and gently leads. When leadership reflects that kind of care, it brings safety and steadiness. When it doesn’t, disappointment can linger in tender places.
A while back, I was leading an online group and doing my best to pay attention to the room, notice people’s faces, and help everyone feel included. I was asking questions and occasionally calling on people as a way of drawing them in. After the meeting, one participant asked if she could stay a few minutes longer. I was a bit surprised when she gently told me that being called on publicly had made her uncomfortable. I had disappointed her. Not in a dramatic way, but in a real one. It was a quiet reminder that even our efforts to care well can sometimes miss the mark. I was grateful she had the awareness and courage to name what she was feeling and ask for what she needed.
Many disappointments with leaders don’t come with a satisfying resolution.
How do we move forward when something still feels unfinished inside us? Sometimes there is no clear apology, no deeper conversation, and no real sense that the other person understands the impact they had. We may be left carrying confusion, hurt, or questions, trying to make sense of why a moment affected us so deeply. And when the person who let us down is someone we trusted to guide, care for, or lead well—whether in a large way or a small one—that disappointment can be especially hard to process.
When I’ve carried disappointment that didn’t resolve neatly, two of my go-to skills are Quieting (skill 2) and Godsight (skill 13). Quieting helps me slow down enough to notice what I’m feeling, needing, and carrying. Godsight helps me turn toward God again and become curious about His perspective on the situation. These practices don’t make disappointment disappear, but they do help me receive comfort, clarity, and steadiness from Jesus in the middle of what still feels unfinished.
I’m grateful Chris Coursey and the THRIVEtoday team are offering The Pain of Disappointment: When Leaders Let Us Down theory course. This previously aired live event explored why disappointment with leaders can cut so deeply, what helps and what doesn’t when that pain sets in, and how relational skills and maturity can help us move forward with greater clarity and steadiness.
This course may be especially meaningful if you are carrying your own disappointment or trying to make sense of a leadership wound from the past or present.
Learn More:
ONLINE COURSE: The Pain of Disappointment: When Leaders Let Us Down
THRIVEtoday President Chris Coursey helps you understand and navigate the pain and offense that surface when leaders fail us.
PODCAST: E145 Why is Offense so Hard to Recover From?
If you have experienced offense, you know how difficult it can be to recover—especially when the hurt comes from someone you trust. As imperfect people, even those we respect and look up to can cause deep pain.
In this episode, we explore how our heart characteristics, emotions, and attachments contribute to experiences of offense, and offer encouragement and validation, highlighting a pathway toward reconciliation and healing.